Fall used to be my favorite time of year when I was younger. The crisp smell of the cool morning air as I walked to school with my sister or friends. The need for sweaters in the morning but nothing by morning recess because it was already hot. The new beginning of a fresh start to school with no late assignments, no disappointed teachers, no laundry list of tasks to complete that I had no idea where to start with any of them. I loved that time. It felt open, clean and hopeful.
Lately Fall has turned into an endless fog. Starting about the second week of August when school supply list start massively taking over every shopping center and grocery store. (I’m sure they are there sooner but I just don’t notice small things until they slap me in the face with their obviousness.) The busyness of the fall slowly consumes me and the long list of to-dos get longer by the day. Just a few:
Lately Fall has turned into an endless fog. Starting about the second week of August when school supply list start massively taking over every shopping center and grocery store. (I’m sure they are there sooner but I just don’t notice small things until they slap me in the face with their obviousness.) The busyness of the fall slowly consumes me and the long list of to-dos get longer by the day. Just a few:
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And the list just keeps on going. When I make a list or plan something I literally imagine and walk through everything. I really do mean everything. I think of any obstacle that might possibly come up and make a plan for it. I think of every need that each one of my family members might have that will call for my attention and plan for it. I think of contingencies that could de-rail the plan and plan for that. I do try to plan for everything. When I do…things run fairly smoothly. But when I can’t I get stuck in the fog.
What is it like in the fog?
The fog for me is really sometimes a simple fix for most. It’s skipping over this to get to that then maybe coming back to what you had to skip or leaving it all together. My brain does not work that way. If I can not envision the outcome then I do not know how to plan or prepare for anything. If I can’t plan or do not have a past experience in a very similar situation then I am stuck.
Let me try to explain better. You get up in the morning and you might have an idea of what to do that day. But then you see your very long list and think of, “where to start?” Then one thing depends on another thing being done first to do the thing you thought you could get done that day. So when you run backwards down the list you still can’t find the starting point, because there is none, and so you spend half your day looking at the list instead of doing the list. That leads to confusion and feelings of being overwhelmed so you sit in the fog hoping it will pass soon all to find out that when it does you are back to where you started with a long list and no starting point. The cycle keeps going.
Let me try to explain better. You get up in the morning and you might have an idea of what to do that day. But then you see your very long list and think of, “where to start?” Then one thing depends on another thing being done first to do the thing you thought you could get done that day. So when you run backwards down the list you still can’t find the starting point, because there is none, and so you spend half your day looking at the list instead of doing the list. That leads to confusion and feelings of being overwhelmed so you sit in the fog hoping it will pass soon all to find out that when it does you are back to where you started with a long list and no starting point. The cycle keeps going.
How to get out of the cycle.
To stop the cycle you have a few options; sit down and spend the few days (potentially 1-4days) organizing and planning out your tasks, get outside help to quickly order and prioritize your list, or cut back on all you are doing so the list shrinks then do option one or two. But there is another way:
Attitude. Being overwhelmed is a daily occurrence with EFD so the attitude is key to helping minimize how long the fog lasts and how to get out of it. Changing my attitude for me personally starts with scripture reading and prayer. Remembering who I am in Christ and that I have not been created by accident refreshes me like the early fall air did. It becomes a clean slate and a source to draw energy and strength. I cannot change the way I think if I am just sitting and feeling sorry for myself. That is another trap altogether.
Reach out. Others around you need to know what is going on. Whether due to disability, depression, new baby, grief or just life being too much you cannot go about all this alone. I will admit there will quite a few that will not understand and may tell you to get over yourself and “just do it.” We both know that if you could you would so let’s just silence those voices and move on to the group who want to help even if they don’t know how. I have found working with people who desire to help but are honest that they don’t know how are better suited then those who have all the answers. The key is don’t do this alone. Seek the aid of those around you and if needs be professionals until you can build your support and educate them on what kind of help you need.
Break it down. The first thing I was told when I found out about having Executive Function Deficit (EFD) was that order and planning would be hard, so break things down into smaller chunks. “Chunking”, as they call it, is a way of taking things too much and grouping them into similar pieces. Then you can look at that one piece and chunk it again until you can see the plan clearer. You can also chunk by due dates. Calendars are great helps, I will get into them in a later post, they give you concrete guides for what order to put things in.
Give grace. Finally give yourself a break. Give yourself grace that you do not have to do everything. No is a powerful word and can free you of a lot of stress and grief. If no is truly not an option then be honest with yourself and your supervisors as to what is going on with you so they can join you in supporting you how you need it and still get your tasks done. You can be your worst critic so give yourself the grace you deserve and applaud even the smallest accomplishments in your day. If you finished one load of dishes- way to go. If you got two steps of the laundry cycle done, great! One of my favorite quotes reminds me that these little things are going to help me win. I leave you with this from Dave Ramsey.
Attitude. Being overwhelmed is a daily occurrence with EFD so the attitude is key to helping minimize how long the fog lasts and how to get out of it. Changing my attitude for me personally starts with scripture reading and prayer. Remembering who I am in Christ and that I have not been created by accident refreshes me like the early fall air did. It becomes a clean slate and a source to draw energy and strength. I cannot change the way I think if I am just sitting and feeling sorry for myself. That is another trap altogether.
Reach out. Others around you need to know what is going on. Whether due to disability, depression, new baby, grief or just life being too much you cannot go about all this alone. I will admit there will quite a few that will not understand and may tell you to get over yourself and “just do it.” We both know that if you could you would so let’s just silence those voices and move on to the group who want to help even if they don’t know how. I have found working with people who desire to help but are honest that they don’t know how are better suited then those who have all the answers. The key is don’t do this alone. Seek the aid of those around you and if needs be professionals until you can build your support and educate them on what kind of help you need.
Break it down. The first thing I was told when I found out about having Executive Function Deficit (EFD) was that order and planning would be hard, so break things down into smaller chunks. “Chunking”, as they call it, is a way of taking things too much and grouping them into similar pieces. Then you can look at that one piece and chunk it again until you can see the plan clearer. You can also chunk by due dates. Calendars are great helps, I will get into them in a later post, they give you concrete guides for what order to put things in.
Give grace. Finally give yourself a break. Give yourself grace that you do not have to do everything. No is a powerful word and can free you of a lot of stress and grief. If no is truly not an option then be honest with yourself and your supervisors as to what is going on with you so they can join you in supporting you how you need it and still get your tasks done. You can be your worst critic so give yourself the grace you deserve and applaud even the smallest accomplishments in your day. If you finished one load of dishes- way to go. If you got two steps of the laundry cycle done, great! One of my favorite quotes reminds me that these little things are going to help me win. I leave you with this from Dave Ramsey.